Hungry.

I'm hungry.

My last weigh in left me (well, not shocked, more like embarrased) surprised to find myself 6 pounds over goal weight.

Six pounds.

No big deal, some of you say.  But I sweated those six pounds out the first time by being hungry, running a million miles, doing a million situps, and skipping french fries for a looooong time.  I'm not too happy about doing it again.  Why does it seem soo much easier to put on than take off?

So, thanks to my lifetime membership, I have to pay the weekly fee until I weigh in at only 2 pounds over goal.  This means I'm hungry, because I'm too stubborn to waste more money.  Very hungry.  Want to curl up and go to sleep, may not survive this yucky feeling hungry.  But it's going to be worth it, right?  Because I tell you what, I am not going to buy bigger pants, and if I continue to head the way I was, I'll soon be left with only pajamas to wear.  Not pretty.

I think the thing that saddens me the most is the knowledge (that I knew in my head, but not in my stomach) that this is a LIFELONG thing.  I don't get to just ignore it all and eat whatever I want for two months with no consequences, I don't care how many miles I run a week.

Somewhat depressing.  But also... at least I've pulled back from the brink.  That 6 pounds could have EASILY turned into the 40 that I lost plus.  That is NOT going to happen to me.

So I'm hungry.  I guess I'm grateful that I can do this, that from somewhere deep within me is the self control necessary to take care of myself despite the whirlwind that is my life.

But I still like to complain:)  And maybe those of you who look at me and say "man, she's skinny, it's not fair"  or "it must be harder for me than for her" will know the truth.  It sucks.  But I still think it's worth it.