Random Thoughts

1.  I can not be trusted with chocolate in the house.  Over the past 3 days, at least 60% of my meals have been in the form of a snickers bar.

2.  Jared's grandparents are going through a rough patch right now.  Lots of change going on for them, they had to move to a smaller space so they can be taken care of more easily.  Long story short, Grandma was upset and ended up shuffling in her little walker all the way to my house and was yelling for me to come save her.  It makes me sad to see her so confused and upset with the people that are turning their lives upside down to make sure she is taken care of, but, I'm grateful to be here to help.  We've been feeling like it's time for us to move, but the buying a house thing isn't working smoothly at the moment.  Right now, I'm glad that's the case.  For whatever reason (probably because I haven't been as involved in their daily care... it's like I'm the fun babysitter instead of the mean mother) she thinks I'm on her side.  This puts me in a unique position to be able to calm her down when she's confused and give Sherry a little respite in her crazier moments.  I'm so glad we are still here for a little while.  I think Heavenly Father knows where and when we need to be.

3.  Sam got a diagnosis this past week (see item #1).  ADHD primarily inattentive (so, pretty much, minus the H).  We had to go to an overview class tonight (blah blah blah, I'm a speechie, I've been to full day conferences on that stuff) and left with the distinct impression that the psychologist really believes in medicating these kids.  Here's the thing, though.  The homeschooling thing is working, and if we believe that these kids tend to "catch up" meaning they learn coping strategies and "grow" out of requiring meds by high school, why not do what we need to do to get them through this next 10 year "rough patch?"  The way I see it, I can either medicate him so he can go learn in a classroom, or I can modify his environment for success while providing him with the academic and organizational skills he needs so that when his little body and brain are mature enough they'll be able to handle school (and life!).  Auggh!  So many decisions.  The thing is, he's really good.  I can see that if he was super hyper and impulsive (which he is neither) and a danger to himself and others it would be a clear thing to medicate him.  Seriously, his problem is that worksheets are boring and he needs alternative methods of education, relying more on visual and kinetic skills.  Just trying to do the right thing, but sometimes that's not so clear.  And, one of my hangups is that everyone has their advice, and I walk away from almost every conversation questioning my decisions.  I totally need to get over that.  Nobody knows Sam like I do (well, maybe Jared:) and I'm ultimately responsible to make sure he has a safe and happy childhood.   And, lucky for him (me?) I'm trained in special education... the kind of education he would never be bad enough to qualify for at school, but that with his subtle (and not so subtle) weaknesses he can really benefit from.  We'll see what happens...

4.  Ruby is doing so well in PT.  I am waiting and waiting for the day she starts to walk so I won't have to make an appointment for her at the day care at the gym.  She mastered stairs this week, and also the slide at the park.  She's pretty proud.  She had her first official day of nursery this week... aah, the freedom... I can see it coming... last kid to start nursery!  I will say, I'm no longer used to sitting for 3 hours at church, I got a little antsy by the end.

5.  We had to do the bedroom swap.  It was time for the girls and boys to be in their own room, we were really pushing it.  I kept resisting it, because I know it'll be a long time until Pearl and Ruby can be in bunk beds, and most of me was thinking I wouldn't have to do this in this house.  We'd get a bigger house and it wouldn't be a big deal to have a bed and a crib in one room.  Alas, that's not how it is, so here I am again, thinking and scheming and planning and organizing (and crying a little bit) to fit everything into the smallest space possible.  I'm kind of upset that I have to do this, my heart isn't really in it.  I got it to a point where the cleaners could come, and now it seems like life is so busy I might never get those last books and doll clothes out of the boys room, get all my therapy stuff upstairs, and get stuff on the wall for Pearly.  Just one of those things that grates in the back of your mind...

6.  Pearl and Max are so happy and normal and doing well.  I'm so grateful, Pearl is so helpful and Max is so much fun.  It's nice that they allow me to focus on the kids that really need me right now.  Being a mom is so much work.  Time will tell if it was all worth it:)

We love Legos.

We (well, I) recently bought some materials to use with Sammy during homeschool.  

One of my concerns with Sam is that he doesn't have much opportunity for creative writing and storytelling because he hates to write.  So, I totally splurged on this AWESOME storytelling set and software from LegoEducation.  

Here is our first comic.  He did all of the building and photograpy while I was with clients this morning with the only cues being that his story had to have a beginning, a middle and an end.  

And here was the result.  SO FUN!!!!!

He's very excited to plan another adventure for those brave knights....

Homeschool.

Breaking my heart.

Sammy is doing SO WELL homeschooling.  He's thrilled to be writing his story about Rolo, the monster who wants to be a dog so he can eat dog food.  (giggle giggle).  He chose as part of his schooling today to watch a 15 minute lecture on elements and atoms.  (love Khan academy).  We're building a volcano, which he planned yesterday and is waiting anxiously for Dad to come home so we can blow it up.  He's doing his drill work (math, handwriting without tears, spelling, taekwondo form practice) without complaint, even though I know he doesn't love it.

But here's the shocker, the thing I was so worried about homeschooling.  He's staying on task.  Let me say it again.  He's staying on task!!!!!!!  Seriously, with minimal reminders and support and a little bit of task tweaking, he's excited to learn, he's completing tasks quickly and he's happy.  Really.  Like writing a sentence in less than 3 minutes.  Genuinely happy.

Not only that, he shocked me not once but twice today by doing what I asked him to the first time.  Seriously.  I went to ask him for the second time to get dressed like I ALWAYS have to do, and he was almost done.

The super-disorganized kid who usually has absolutely no awareness of anything other than what's going on in his little head just brought me a lone sock in from the playground that needed to be washed.  Then, even after stopping to talk to me about the volcano, he made his way into the laundry room (aka my bathroom) and put the sock in the washing machine.  

If you don't know Sam, you may not be as amazed as somebody who has worked with him.  AMAZED.  He is a changed kid.

What breaks my heart is how unsuccessful and dumb he must have felt in that classroom.  Failing day after day, being too slow, never getting anything done... it affected ALL areas of his life... and now he's progressing.   Tears of joy in my eyes.  I maybe should have done something sooner, but thank goodness I'm doing something now.

Actually, thank my Heavenly Father for giving me the courage and insight and strength to make this decision.  I think He loves and knows me and Sam and wants so badly for us to be happy.   And we are.  I love this kid.

Oh, Sam.

I feel like I've been riding a roller coaster the last few months.  

First... we started looking at buying a house in January.  Totally not as fun as I thought it was going to be.  And super time consuming.  And it makes me eat.  I just can't think about it.

Then Ruby started therapy and all that entailed... playgroup once a week, in home PT twice a month, and homework every day.  She's improving, but I still have lots to do.  

Then, we get the notice for an SST meeting for Sam.  His teacher isn't the best communicator, so until I got the notice I had no idea that things were that bad at school.  So, work work work, change his diet, add a listening program, start handwriting without tears after school.  At that meeting, they basically said he's not getting work done, and I requested that a positive reinforcement system be put into place.  And, once again, we started looking at Montessori options for him.   

Three weeks later, we had his parent teacher conference.   Abysmal.  Apparently, he lays on his desk all day long, doing nothing.  He's expected to take his workbook out and follow along with a lesson on the overhead all day long.  He just doesn't do it.  When I asked him, he told me sorrowfully that when he tries he's just too slow.  So, he'd given up.  Which was frustrating, because he needs to practice those writing skills.  Part of the problem is that he entered first grade with all of the academics mastered already, so it's a case of boredom/it's too hard/not his learning style.  So sad.  

So, after thought and prayer, I pulled him out of school two days later, to homeschool him.  Immediately after I sent the e-mail to the principal and the teacher I got confirmation (and continue to get every time I think about it, like, I'm tearing up AGAIN right now) that this was the right thing for him.  So, I put aside my selfish desires and set about designing a program for him at home.  I also started the process of an assessment for the possibility of ADD.  

We had our first day of school.  And, I have to say, I kind of loved it.  We worked together for about 2 hours solid in the morning, then he had free reading and a trip to the park and we had to finish up about 15 minutes after Pearl got home from school.  Thanks to my education, I know how to break a task down and to teach different aspects of educational skills while bypassing weakness.  Basically, my super smarty-pants (reads at a 5th grade level) needs his own special education teacher.  Me.  

We'll see how the rest of the week goes.  I have him applied to a few Montessori programs for the fall (he got accepted to one in Folsom today), that may be the way to go.  Or, I might be chained to this kid for a while.  

But that's ok.  Because if I modify things just a tiny bit, he loves to learn.  And I kind of love him.  I don't mind hanging out with him a little extra.  

Though we did join the local gym today so I can run while the kids are in daycare.  See?  Preserving me time:)  And my sanity.  I hope. 

Ruby

Ruby has been doing so well with her therapy.  She continues to LOVE her scooter, and I have to say, I love how dang cute she looks on it.  This picture was taken a few weeks ago, she is already starting to turn her feet forward on it, good girl!

The other exciting piece of news is that her glasses (FINALLY!!!  AFTER 3 1/2 weeks!!!) came!  

She really didn't like them at first... she cried at the fitting, which was sad because all of the optometry clerks had been waiting for her to come in so they could see them on her.  Then Pearly showed Ruby her glasses and they weren't that bad.  Then, I think she realized that she can see so much better... and now they mostly stay on.   

though, I must admit, it's like a full time job to keep the grime and fingerprints and slobber off of them! 

Her latest PT mandated activity... blanket rides.  The boys are happy to oblige.  

Love this girl!  So glad she is healthy and happy and learning so fast!

Scooter

Ruby's physical therapist said we needed to start her on a scooter... She's a fan. Mobility!!!!

Hungry.

I'm hungry.

My last weigh in left me (well, not shocked, more like embarrased) surprised to find myself 6 pounds over goal weight.

Six pounds.

No big deal, some of you say.  But I sweated those six pounds out the first time by being hungry, running a million miles, doing a million situps, and skipping french fries for a looooong time.  I'm not too happy about doing it again.  Why does it seem soo much easier to put on than take off?

So, thanks to my lifetime membership, I have to pay the weekly fee until I weigh in at only 2 pounds over goal.  This means I'm hungry, because I'm too stubborn to waste more money.  Very hungry.  Want to curl up and go to sleep, may not survive this yucky feeling hungry.  But it's going to be worth it, right?  Because I tell you what, I am not going to buy bigger pants, and if I continue to head the way I was, I'll soon be left with only pajamas to wear.  Not pretty.

I think the thing that saddens me the most is the knowledge (that I knew in my head, but not in my stomach) that this is a LIFELONG thing.  I don't get to just ignore it all and eat whatever I want for two months with no consequences, I don't care how many miles I run a week.

Somewhat depressing.  But also... at least I've pulled back from the brink.  That 6 pounds could have EASILY turned into the 40 that I lost plus.  That is NOT going to happen to me.

So I'm hungry.  I guess I'm grateful that I can do this, that from somewhere deep within me is the self control necessary to take care of myself despite the whirlwind that is my life.

But I still like to complain:)  And maybe those of you who look at me and say "man, she's skinny, it's not fair"  or "it must be harder for me than for her" will know the truth.  It sucks.  But I still think it's worth it.