Random Thoughts

1.  I can not be trusted with chocolate in the house.  Over the past 3 days, at least 60% of my meals have been in the form of a snickers bar.

2.  Jared's grandparents are going through a rough patch right now.  Lots of change going on for them, they had to move to a smaller space so they can be taken care of more easily.  Long story short, Grandma was upset and ended up shuffling in her little walker all the way to my house and was yelling for me to come save her.  It makes me sad to see her so confused and upset with the people that are turning their lives upside down to make sure she is taken care of, but, I'm grateful to be here to help.  We've been feeling like it's time for us to move, but the buying a house thing isn't working smoothly at the moment.  Right now, I'm glad that's the case.  For whatever reason (probably because I haven't been as involved in their daily care... it's like I'm the fun babysitter instead of the mean mother) she thinks I'm on her side.  This puts me in a unique position to be able to calm her down when she's confused and give Sherry a little respite in her crazier moments.  I'm so glad we are still here for a little while.  I think Heavenly Father knows where and when we need to be.

3.  Sam got a diagnosis this past week (see item #1).  ADHD primarily inattentive (so, pretty much, minus the H).  We had to go to an overview class tonight (blah blah blah, I'm a speechie, I've been to full day conferences on that stuff) and left with the distinct impression that the psychologist really believes in medicating these kids.  Here's the thing, though.  The homeschooling thing is working, and if we believe that these kids tend to "catch up" meaning they learn coping strategies and "grow" out of requiring meds by high school, why not do what we need to do to get them through this next 10 year "rough patch?"  The way I see it, I can either medicate him so he can go learn in a classroom, or I can modify his environment for success while providing him with the academic and organizational skills he needs so that when his little body and brain are mature enough they'll be able to handle school (and life!).  Auggh!  So many decisions.  The thing is, he's really good.  I can see that if he was super hyper and impulsive (which he is neither) and a danger to himself and others it would be a clear thing to medicate him.  Seriously, his problem is that worksheets are boring and he needs alternative methods of education, relying more on visual and kinetic skills.  Just trying to do the right thing, but sometimes that's not so clear.  And, one of my hangups is that everyone has their advice, and I walk away from almost every conversation questioning my decisions.  I totally need to get over that.  Nobody knows Sam like I do (well, maybe Jared:) and I'm ultimately responsible to make sure he has a safe and happy childhood.   And, lucky for him (me?) I'm trained in special education... the kind of education he would never be bad enough to qualify for at school, but that with his subtle (and not so subtle) weaknesses he can really benefit from.  We'll see what happens...

4.  Ruby is doing so well in PT.  I am waiting and waiting for the day she starts to walk so I won't have to make an appointment for her at the day care at the gym.  She mastered stairs this week, and also the slide at the park.  She's pretty proud.  She had her first official day of nursery this week... aah, the freedom... I can see it coming... last kid to start nursery!  I will say, I'm no longer used to sitting for 3 hours at church, I got a little antsy by the end.

5.  We had to do the bedroom swap.  It was time for the girls and boys to be in their own room, we were really pushing it.  I kept resisting it, because I know it'll be a long time until Pearl and Ruby can be in bunk beds, and most of me was thinking I wouldn't have to do this in this house.  We'd get a bigger house and it wouldn't be a big deal to have a bed and a crib in one room.  Alas, that's not how it is, so here I am again, thinking and scheming and planning and organizing (and crying a little bit) to fit everything into the smallest space possible.  I'm kind of upset that I have to do this, my heart isn't really in it.  I got it to a point where the cleaners could come, and now it seems like life is so busy I might never get those last books and doll clothes out of the boys room, get all my therapy stuff upstairs, and get stuff on the wall for Pearly.  Just one of those things that grates in the back of your mind...

6.  Pearl and Max are so happy and normal and doing well.  I'm so grateful, Pearl is so helpful and Max is so much fun.  It's nice that they allow me to focus on the kids that really need me right now.  Being a mom is so much work.  Time will tell if it was all worth it:)