Soooo... it's time to write down some thoughts to help me remember to be grateful.
This is the baby I never meant to have. Jared and I always talked about and agreed on 4 kids, even before we were married. I also had the ten years of childbearing rule. When Robbie died, one of the thoughts that I had in the days following were that I guess I was meant to have more than 4 kids. I'd like to think I'm not THAT stubborn, and that if I knew number 5 was waiting, I would have done it, but perhaps my Heavenly Father knows me better than I think.
Before this pregnancy, I was really dragging my feet. It had taken over a year to get pregnant with Max, and I was getting older, and I really didn't want to do the whole thing again. There were a lot of reasons... not to have another. I liked my three, they were all good kids, I'm happy with three, and TECHNICALLY, I've already had four. So, I made the decision to try, thinking that if it took forever again, I wouldn't really try that hard and it wouldn't be my fault.
So much for that plan. About 2 seconds after it was possible, I was pregnant. Blessing number one. Then, for the first trimester, I was... well, not exactly sick, but nauseous a lot of the time. Just enough for me to not gain any weight during that first three months (a major concern of mine)... blessing number two. In fact, at this point, I've only gained 15 pounds, which is fairly miraculous because I've had 4 other pregnancies and have gained 40 pounds with each like clockwork.
I've been feeling so good this pregnancy, I was able to do all sorts of things, like walking (until it got too hot), taking taekwondo class until I was 33 weeks, taking the kids to Sunsplash all summer... all things which in every previous pregnancy would have been impossible, because my body likes to contract every three minutes or so starting at about 20 weeks. Not this time... just normal BH contractions starting at 8 1/2 months.
And... the most miraculous thing of all... I'm still sleeping. My hips don't hurt, the insomnia isn't that bad (or that often)... never before. Yet another blessing, I'm sure.
So... I think she's meant to be a part of this family. I'm so grateful that this round has been easier on my body and my mental health. And I can't wait to meet her, because of course, she's going to be one special lady. And I think she'll be relieved that she made it... barely...